Would I still be me?
I’ve been sitting with a question from Carlos Whittaker’s book “Reconnected“ and it’s been chewing on me for a while now:
“What if you were to suddenly lose your ability to do whatever it is that you are known for?”
And then the gut punch: “Would you still be you?”
Oof.
Here’s the thing. I’m a creative. I’ve spent most of my life making things, solving visual problems, building stuff that didn’t exist before I sat down at my desk. It’s not just what I do, it’s who I am. Or at least… it’s who I’ve been telling myself I am and trying to be for decades.
Now AI is barreling through my industry like a toddler playing with my UCS Star Wars Lego set, and I’m just standing here watching the pieces fly. Some days I’m curious about it. Some days I’m genuinely excited. And some days I stare at my screen and wonder if the thing I’ve built my identity around is about to become one of those stories I share with my grandkids. “Back in my day, we used to make logos by hand… using a pencil… with lead in it.”
Plot twist… I also turned 50 recently.
So now I’ve got two questions doing laps in my head at 2am… well, many more than that, but for the sake of this ramble…
Who am I if I can’t do the thing I’ve always done?
And who am I in the second half of whatever this thing is?
I don’t really have a good answer. I wish I did. I’d wrap it up with a nice bow and post it with a sunset photo on the river and call it “wisdom”. Hell, maybe I’ll have AI help me write a book called “Life After 40, No Kids, No Job, No Clue.“
But here’s what I’m starting to believe, somewhere underneath all the noise… maybe the thing I’m “known for” was never really the thing I thought it was. Maybe it was just the outlet. The thing underneath… the curiosity, the way I see the world, the stubborn need to make something out of nothing… that doesn’t disappear because the tools change. That’s not software. It’s just how I’m wired.
So would I still be me?
I think so. I hope so.
I do know this… I’m never going to stop sketching random things while I’m supposed to be paying attention. I’m starting to pick up the guitar again after years of collecting dust. Maybe I’ll even finish some projects around the house and scratch the whole “building things” itch as well.
I’m still figuring it all out. Aren’t we all. But for the first time in a while, it doesn’t scare me as much as it used to.